Hemingway Stole a Urinal

I haven't posted here for a while.  Since this poem is about Hemingway, and I am an English teacher, I think  I can justify posting this here.  It comes from a story I heard when I was recently in Key West.  It is purportedly true.  

Hemingway Stole a Urinal

Hemingway stole a urinal,
That’s how the story goes.
Hemingway stole a urinal,
While helping move Sloppy Joe’s.

Joe decided to move his bar,
To save a buck a month in rent.
He figured a way to make the move,
Without costing him one red cent.

He closed the bar at two o’clock
(That’s early for Key West)
And offered free booze to everyone
Who honored one request:

Help him move all his stuff,
Half a block to the new location,
And he would make sure that all who helped
Would be rewarded with inebriation.

And so the patrons of the bar,
Picked up every table and chair,
And balanced their drinks as they moved the stuff,
Through the humid Florida air.

In order to get another free drink
They had to back for another load,
And carry it down half a block
To the new site across the road.

Joe opened the bar at nine the next morn
And kept his business in the groove.
But there was at least one accoutrement
That didn’t make the move.

Young Ernest went into the john
To recycle some of Joe’s beer.
And as he stood there he was struck by an urge
To make the urinal disappear.

After all it was only fair,
Reasoned his semi-pickled brain,
After all he’d paid for that urinal
With all the profits he’d sent down the drain.

And he reached out a drunken hand
And tore it from the wall.
Then he left the party
And headed home with his haul.

He put in the front yard
Not caring if he appeared the fool.
He was getting back at his wife,
Who secretly put in a pool.

She tried to to make him take it out,
But she never won that fight.
And so she tried to dress it up,
With a fountain and tiles bright.

And that stolen urinal
Still sits there to this day.
And that’s the tale of the urinal
Stolen by Ernest Hemingway.

©2009-Art Belliveau

For Louise M. Rosenblatt

For Louise M. Rosenblatt

Together in class

We read a story

It is the same story

Printed in every copy
Of every book
In the classroom

Yet—and this is what

I love about reading—

It is a slightly different tale

Inside every head

As the words on the page

Collide and combine
With the life experience
Of each person
Reading the story

©2009-Art Belliveau

So Much for Planning

So Much for Planning

I was going to give a test today
On Greek and Latin roots
I was going to ask for final drafts
Of my students’ movie reviews
I was going to accomplish things
But my plans, reality outstrips
All my plans are junked today
Because of five field trips
This class now is half empty
The next two look much the same
But I’ll just bend like a reed in the wind
I know how to play the game
Those here today will have the chance
To make up work they’ve missed
Or maybe even to get ahead
With me here to assist
The end of the year is coming fast
(It’s in three weeks—right to the day)
And here we are just kicking back
Another wasted day

©2009-Art Belliveau

The Home Stretch

The Home Stretch

Looking at the calander.
Looking at the clock.
Looking out the window.
Looking down the block.

Waiting for the summer.
Waiting for the end.
Waiting for the last school day;
It’s right around the bend.

Less than four weeks left now.
It’s shorter every day.
The students are excited--
Want to leave without delay.

The students all are restless.
That you can’t ignore.
They are ready for vacation--
We teachers are ready more!

©2009-Art Belliveau

Talking

as the other students in the class
chat in quiet amiability while
working on their writing project
these young ladies just sat and talked
their volume rising slowly
almost imperceptibly
but steadily nonetheless

if they are going to refuse to work
why can't they at least do it quietly
like the ones who sleep so soundly
through the class every single day

but no
they insist on sitting there
publicly emoting to each other
the dramas of their lives
and their day at school

(and
to be honest
some of them do indeed
live through a great deal of real drama
too much to contend with
at their young age)

i wrestle with myself
as i observe them
heat slowly rising
in my face
in lockstep with
their increasing volume

i could do something
proactive
to make them quiet down
i could get up
and just sit near them
make them nervous
tenth graders detest
a teacher's propinquity

but my stomach is roiling
and jumping inside me
feels like i've been
repeatedly gut-punched
should have stayed home
but felt obligated
to come and teach them

most students are working
or at least appearing to
knowing that negative attention
lowers their grades
just these four loud talkers
inconsiderately interfering
with everyone's thought processes

so i reach to my left
and grab for the stack
of preprinted forms
ones i have prepared for
just such an occasion
and fill out detentions
for my chatty friends

see you all soon

©2009-Art Belliveau

15 Sentence Portrait

One of my favorite writing exercises is one that I was introduced to about ten years ago. The 15-Sentnece Portrait was developed by the late Wendy Bishop. It is an extremely guided writing exercise. Each of the 15 sentences in the writing assignment has an instruction on what to include in that sentence. It could be a color, a wish, a body part, a specific number of words, etc.

In the abstract, it sounds like a straight jacket, but I have seen it produce some really excellent writing from my students over the years. And this year is no exception. I have an instruction page for it on my class website and even created a step-by-step PowerPoint to guide my students through writing one.

15 Sentence Step by Step Instructions

View more presentations or Upload your own.

I have shared this idea with others, and have had reports of similar good results. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

The Empty Classroom

The Empty Classroom

It waits in darkness
Empty
Purposeless
Silent

Soon enough it will again be
A lively, raucous place
Filled with life
Filled with sound
Filled with direction

Once the break is over
And school begins again

©2009-Art Belliveau